She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
