the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
