My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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