She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
