I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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