If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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