He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
