this boner is exhausting
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
