Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
