Got a toothbrush?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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