i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
