READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
