it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
