How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
