Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
