I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
