nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
from now on my penis is your penis
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
