I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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