everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
