Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
