Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Did I show you my penis last night?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
