The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
