im having a threesome with these popsicles
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
