lets start a swedish sibling band together
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
