No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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