My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
