also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
