I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
NoShamevember. You game?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
