i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
