8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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