Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
