wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Randomize
