and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
