I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
