Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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