She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
