he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
