Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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