Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
