Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
where are you?
Hypothermia
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I will be naked everywhere
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
