Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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