Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
