textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i will never coherently bang her
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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