I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
