Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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