I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
