Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
