but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
