he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
