So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
