i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
