I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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