I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
