I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
