Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
