i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
